Posts Tagged ‘ grief ’

Discipline vs. Abuse…

I came into my office this morning.  Had my coffee, checked the financials, and then stumbled on to CNN to see what the rest of the world was up to.  Stories about Rick Perry and his, uh, “speech” yesterday, and Herman Cain’s self-inflicted issues.  Not to mention the potential governmental upheaval (or maybe continuation of an existing one) in Greece.

Sad stuff.

But then I came across this story about this family judge in Texas who is the lead character in a YouTube video, where he is “disciplining” his 16-year old daughter.  Of course, that’s not quite what I saw.

If you look at the video (I’m not going to post it here; you can see it on YouTube), this guy is NOT disciplining his daughter.  He is abusing her.

Yes, I just judged a judge’s actions.  But let me explain.

See, I don’t know the circumstances of everything that this 16-year old did.  And it’s likely she deserved to be disciplined.  Maybe even harshly disciplined.  But what this “judge” did was not discipline.  He abused her.

Now I know that this line between discipline and abuse is debatable, and lots of people have different opinions.  But here’s how I determine the two.  Discipline is done out of love.  Abuse is done out of anger.  Period.

And how do I know this guy is angry?  Has nothing to do with the belt in my mind (I have other opinions on that, but it’s not relevant for my point here).  It has everything to do with his language and tone.  The amount of cursing this guy is doing to his daughter, in my mind, is much worse than the physical punishment.  How is she supposed to respect someone that talks to her that way, like she’s a piece of trash?  He has no respect for her.  And you know what, regardless of what she did, if he expects her to respect him, then he should respect her as well.

There is an aspect of where the father deserves respect just because of his position of authority.  But respect also has to be earned, and I have to tell you.  This guy is doing NOTHING to earn anyone’s respect.

I have to be honest that all the verbal abuse got me more upset than the physical part.  Mainly because I saw that he was so angry that he wasn’t concerned about disciplining his daughter – the outcome of which is for her to change her heart.  Instead, he wanted to show her who was boss, and you better not F*&*%@G mess with the boss.  That’s not discipline.

That’s abuse.

Just ask any beaten wife.  Any abused child.  It’s all about not angering the giant, not about trying to change your heart and do what’s right.

I know I make plenty of mistakes raising my two daughters.  But man, I hope I never, ever lose sight of the fact that my job is to raise them, not provoke them to wrath, and to always have my love for them, rather than my emotions about them at the time, dictate how I raise them.

Peace…

 

2011
11/03
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Life Lessons
Parenting
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A week full of questions

I must say that I have been deeply distraught by the recent events in Japan.  The horrendous earthquake was bad enough, but then the tsunami that followed was just dreadful.

And while I know this isn’t the first major natural disaster to hit our world in recent years, this one has hit me particularly hard.  I guess it’s probably because I was just over in Japan – for the first time, mind you – in early February, and really enjoyed my time over there.  I met some great people, had some amazing food, gave two great seminars, and overall found myself longing to go back.  I can’t say that for some of the other international destinations I have frequented.

So, while one week doesn’t a lifelong connection make, the nearness of my visit and the joy of it in general has made this whole thing so much more, well, personal.

I wish I had something more inspiring or thought-provoking to say, but I don’t.  All I can say is that I am truly grieving for the people of Japan, and pray for peace in the hearts of those that are enduring something I can honestly be grateful I haven’t had to.

And hope that I never do…

2011
03/16
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regular
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Grieved today

I know it has been over a year since my last blog post. And for that I should be ashamed. It’s not that I haven’t had much to say, but rather I frankly just haven’t been motivated to say it.

But today is much different.

In the past two weeks, I’ve had a dear friend of mine in Atlanta experience first-hand the suffering of his daughter with a strange illness. I don’t keep up with him much anymore, and have only met the daughter a few times, but this one instance consumed me with grief and worry over her health and the emotional health of her parents. And I’m thankful that she is doing much better.

Then when I woke up this morning, I hear about the devastation in Japan. Now, normally something like this would upset me, but then I’d just figure out a way to help through financial giving and prayer. But see, I was just in Japan six weeks ago. I made lots of good friends. I have a connection with people there. So, now it’s personal.

It might as well have been in my own backyard.

After frantically sending emails and trying to call my friends in Tokyo, and then seeing some relieving updates from them on Facebook, the first part of my worry subsided. While my friends weren’t able to go home, they at least were able to continue with the breath of life given to them.

But I still can’t stop thinking about the others there, and how much they are suffering. I am overwhelmed with grief today.

You know, maybe I identify too much with situations like this, even if I only have a small connection. Both of these scenarios involved groups of people I have connection to, but in the grand scheme of relationships, they aren’t really close connections. But my heart is so freaking heavy right now over both of these

2011
03/12
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Life Lessons
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