Discipline vs. Abuse…
I came into my office this morning. Had my coffee, checked the financials, and then stumbled on to CNN to see what the rest of the world was up to. Stories about Rick Perry and his, uh, “speech” yesterday, and Herman Cain’s self-inflicted issues. Not to mention the potential governmental upheaval (or maybe continuation of an existing one) in Greece.
Sad stuff.
But then I came across this story about this family judge in Texas who is the lead character in a YouTube video, where he is “disciplining” his 16-year old daughter. Of course, that’s not quite what I saw.
If you look at the video (I’m not going to post it here; you can see it on YouTube), this guy is NOT disciplining his daughter. He is abusing her.
Yes, I just judged a judge’s actions. But let me explain.
See, I don’t know the circumstances of everything that this 16-year old did. And it’s likely she deserved to be disciplined. Maybe even harshly disciplined. But what this “judge” did was not discipline. He abused her.
Now I know that this line between discipline and abuse is debatable, and lots of people have different opinions. But here’s how I determine the two. Discipline is done out of love. Abuse is done out of anger. Period.
And how do I know this guy is angry? Has nothing to do with the belt in my mind (I have other opinions on that, but it’s not relevant for my point here). It has everything to do with his language and tone. The amount of cursing this guy is doing to his daughter, in my mind, is much worse than the physical punishment. How is she supposed to respect someone that talks to her that way, like she’s a piece of trash? He has no respect for her. And you know what, regardless of what she did, if he expects her to respect him, then he should respect her as well.
There is an aspect of where the father deserves respect just because of his position of authority. But respect also has to be earned, and I have to tell you. This guy is doing NOTHING to earn anyone’s respect.
I have to be honest that all the verbal abuse got me more upset than the physical part. Mainly because I saw that he was so angry that he wasn’t concerned about disciplining his daughter – the outcome of which is for her to change her heart. Instead, he wanted to show her who was boss, and you better not F*&*%@G mess with the boss. That’s not discipline.
That’s abuse.
Just ask any beaten wife. Any abused child. It’s all about not angering the giant, not about trying to change your heart and do what’s right.
I know I make plenty of mistakes raising my two daughters. But man, I hope I never, ever lose sight of the fact that my job is to raise them, not provoke them to wrath, and to always have my love for them, rather than my emotions about them at the time, dictate how I raise them.
Peace…
THE AARONXPERIENCE 
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